Dear Shepard
by runswiththepack13
Summary: It's the end of the Reaper war. The Normandy has returned to Earth, and there all stuck there until the Mass Relays are fixed. Garrus writes Commander Shepard a letter to let her know what's happened, and what she's missed. Not believing for one second she's dead, and letting her know how he feels the best way a turian can.


**A/N:** Hey! This was actually a project for my Spanish class. We had to write a love letter and the first thing I thought of when she gave us the assignment was Shakarian! So I went home and this is what came out! I really liked how it turned out so I decided to post it! I hope you all enjoy reading it, I certainly enjoyed writing it.

**Disclaimer:** I own none of these characters or the ME universe, just this fic!

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November, 12, 2186

Shepard,

Hey, how's it going? It's been a couple of weeks since the end of the Reaper war. Things look bad, many areas need rebuilding and there were more casualties than we would've liked. We're living like refugees in the ruble, but it's all just temporary. We will rebuild, and get things back to as normal as they could possibly be. But, I didn't want to talk about the war.

Honestly I don't even know what I'm doing. After we made it back to Earth, they sent all of the Normandy to therapy (well, except for EDI, but she goes voluntarily anyway, something about feeling more human). It was to help us heal and vent about what we'd done and what we'd seen during the war. I refused at first, turnias don't tend to talk about their feelings, but Liara managed to persuade me into doing so, saying it's what you would've- would want. After my first couple of sessions my therapist suggested writing a letter to someone I knew and trusted, to help get out all those feelings that were buried after it all. So here I am. Personally I think it's not the greatest idea, kind of silly if you ask me, but if it helps me sleep at night, I'll try anything. And since there's no one in this world I'd rather talk to than you, here I am.

No one knows where you are, Shepard. We don't know what happened in the Crucible, or what happened to you. All we know as that you did it. You saved the galaxy, one more time. We've tried looking for you, but nothing has come up. They've declared you killed in action, since there is no evidence saying otherwise, but I know better. I'll believe your dead when I see the body, and even then, I still might have my doubts. You've died before, and it didn't last very long.

Hm, I find myself thinking about the old times a lot. About all the adventures we had, and crazy situations when we barely made it out alive. I remember taking out Saren, I remember when we first met on the Citadel. Me a C-Sec officer, you a Specter, both trying to get the job done with too many obstacles in our way.

It was because of you that I went back to the Citadel, it was because of you that I decided to go through with my Specter training, and try and achieve that dream. It all seems like so long ago…

I also remember when we met again in Omega, me Archangel, and you still Commander Shepard, still alive, and though you wore a different uniform, you were still you, you were still fighting for what's right. When I saw you that day, everything jumped back into perspective. I remember being in that building, ready to die. I had given up, I'd said my goodbyes, made my peace and was ready to join my teammates once again, and then I saw you across that bridge, making your way towards me, and suddenly, I had the energy I needed, the will to keep going. If only to talk to you one more time.

Then when the accident happened, when that rocket hit me, I was okay, because at least I got to see you once more before I died. That was enough. But you saved me as you always do.

You always seem to show up at just the right time. When I'm frustrated and tiered and angry, when I'm in the darkest of places, you always show up and manage to give me reason. First on the Citadel, then on Omega, and then again on Manea. You were always there. They called me Archangel, but you Shepard, you were the real angel. Sent straight from heaven to help all those who need it, to save the galaxy, to save me.

I was always drowning, trapped in this see of darkness and anger and hatred, and turinas can't swim. But right when I was about to be engulfed into the depths, you always pulled me out. I considered myself lucky to be your friend, your comrade, your right hand man, I didn't need anymore. I was happy just being there at your side, but when you let us become more, I was on -what you humans call- cloud nine.

I couldn't imagine that I could ever be that happy; and even during the war, during all that devastation, you always gave me a reason to smile. I loved how you began to show me your softer side, your more vulnerable side that doubted herself, and wasn't just the hero Commander Shepard, you were a person. I always knew of course, but still it was nice for you to see that you could let your guard down around me.

I trusted you with my life and so much more Shepard, and you never let me down. You trusted me and I couldn't even last long enough to go with you, to keep you safe. To make sure you didn't…

We had a ceremony on the Normandy. Honoring all those who fell during the war. We had plaques made and everything. It was supposed to help us bring closure and acceptance so we could begin to heal. It was my job to hang your name on the wall of the fallen, right beneath Anderson's.

I was right there, the plaque in my hand, everyone waiting. All I had to do was place it on the wall, that was it, but when it came down to it… I couldn't. I walked away and locked myself in the main battery.

Liara, told me it was normal. That no one would force me to do it. That I could do it whenever I was ready, I nodded and agreed just to keep her off my back, but there was more to it.

I just… I refuse to believe your dead. I would know, I would feel it. There had to be an obvious change from a world with Commander Shepard to a world without it. Something would happen, but nothing did. People kept moving, life kept going, and everything began to fall into its old routine. It was disgusting.

It's like they don't even care!

No, you're still out there, because it's the only way that life could keep going. I'll find you one day, I know it.

I remember it all, Shepard. The color of your hair, you sparkling eyes, your sweet smile. The sound of your voice, the way your skin felt against mine. But most of all it was the promises we made each other. We were supposed to retire after all this mess. Put our fighting days behind us, retire somewhere tropical and live off the riches of saving the galaxy once again. You promised me we'd stay together forever… Then again, I promised to keep you safe.

I can't help but think about what you last said to me. 'There's no Shepard without Vakarian,' well it goes both ways. There is no Vakarian without you, Shepard. I know you're not up there in heaven waiting for me at that bar, because I can't wait that long to see you again. I know you're still out there, waiting for me to come get you, and when I finally get there, you'll smile at me like only you could and say: 'Your late.'

I know I never said this enough, but I love you. I always have and I always will. I hope you know that.

Please come back to me soon. It's an awfully empty galaxy without you.

Love,

Garrus Vakarian

P.S: We never did get to find out how that human-turian baby would looked like.

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**A/N:** Well, that was it! I hope you liked it! Feel free to leave a review. I might be posting a Shenko version of a letter so keep an eye out for that if your interested. Thank you so much for reading! Bye!


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